Friday, December 23, 2011

Letters.

Dear Love,

Fuck you. You’re just a waste of an emotion and are becoming nothing but a
huge joke. I don’t even know why I bother trying to search you out if
you’re just gonna keep leading me down a road of emptiness. It’s like once
I think I find you, it’s really Rejection with a mask on in the form of
you. Do you not want me to find you? Is that it? What the fuck did I ever
do to you? Nothing. I don’t need you. I’m getting to the point that I don’t
even want you. You’re wasting my time and effort and it’s pissing me off.
Why don’t you go fuck with someone else’s head and let me sneak up on you,
for once? Oh wait, that’s right. You’ll just send your good buddy Rejection
in your place, YET AGAIN, because you’re holding some kind of grudge
against me for no reason at all. And don’t you make up any stupid reasons
as to why I can’t have you either. Laugh now, die later. I hope you really
do. I know that will happen with me too, but seeing you die first would
satisfy me very, very much. And you know why? Unlike you and most of the
world, I’m real. Real over fake and phony any day of the week. And you
could say it’s my loss, but guess what? It’s not. I don’t ever take a loss.
It’s your loss because I hope you can find someone else to bother, even
though I know a lot of the world, as fake as it is, won’t want to deal with
your bullshit either. Oh, and one more thing. I’m fucking done with you.
Bye.

Dear Heart,

I’m sorry you keep getting broken. It’s not your fault. It’s Love’s fault.
It keeps sneaking by me and it keeps coming and breaking you before I even
know what’s going on. I really don’t want to get to the point of locking
you away for good and throwing away the key. Trust me, I don’t. It just
seems like that’s the only way I can keep you from getting broken again.
You’re good. I see it in you. It’s just like I was telling Love, most of
the world is fake and
doesn’t want to see that. All they care about anymore
are movie star looks and money. They don’t care about you. And believe me,
you know me. I’m not selling out to Love and change myself. I already told
it to fuck off, and how will that make me look if I do that? I both want
and need what’s real, but it’s becoming too hard to find nowadays, and all
I’
ve seen are fakes who come in and fuck with you, then break you, and for
that, I am sorry. I can feel you getting harder and colder, and I don’t
like it.

Dear Feelings,

I know I don’t claim you at all, and sometimes Heart too, but the truth is,
you’re both with me no matter what, and I can’t get rid of either of you
without getting rid of the other as well. I might as well just live with
that fact. It just sucks because every time Heart gets broken by Love, I
feel you hurting too, so it’s like I have a double dose of pain. I know
you’re stronger than Heart is (no offense) and I can sense it too, but it’s
like Love is the schoolyard bully and the three of us are the nerds that it
likes to pick on. If you haven’t noticed, I took a stand against it and I
hope it gets the message. I really am sorry that I haven’t acknowledged you
at all, but I still have you no matter what.

Dear World,

What the fuck is your problem? I remember when you used to be real, and
cool as fuck, but now look at you. It seems like you’
ve been taken over by
fakes and phonies. I don’t like it. I know you’re better than this. I bet
this was the work of Love to torment good people like me. Don’t sell out on
me. And if you’re gonna stay this way, just know one thing. I’m not gonna
change. I’m staying true to myself and if you don’t like that, then it’s
your problem.

Dear Hate,

Just because I told Love to fuck off earlier, it doesn’t mean I’m gonna let
Heart or Feelings consume you. They’re already fragile enough from you
working with Love and Rejection to bring me to this point. I never thought
I’d get to this point, but it seems like World has let that happen. So join
your buddy Love and fuck off.

To whom this may concern,

I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’m sorry I don’t get a chance. I’m sorry
I’m not ”hot” enough. I’m sorry I don’t have the perfect body, movie star
good looks, a car with bells and whistles, or loads of money. I’m sorry I
care. But most of all, I’m sorry that I’m real and that I won’t change for
anybody.

P.S. I’m sorry that you’ve decided to make me an option when I made you a
priority, but hey, it’s your loss, not mine.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I want it...

So here's the thing, I know it sounds weird but I look at my cousins life & want it to be mine one day. My cousin is gorgeous (not in an incest way, in a... he just is, way), he's in the airforce, has amazing morals, he's funny, kind, not judgmental, doesn't swear or drink, he's kind of nerdy when it comes to planes & some games, has the best family, was raised so well, he's just... A great person. He met a girl in a bar with friends, they fell in love like some kind of fairytale. She's not the skinniest of people but god damn is she beautiful. I don't know her very well but she has the same amazing family & morals & humor as him. They're kind of perfect for eachother... They live on the airforce base together, with their gorgeous baby girl. I'm sure there's cracks & imperfections but they're a happy family. I want that. I want a good guy, who loves me for me, who supports me & he's there. I want a guy who gave me a beautiful baby that he wants to help me with... I want to be able to see how much he loves our baby, their bond. For our baby to see the love between us, how it radiates. It sounds like a fairytale, like it's impossible... That's why it's a dream. But some people have it, & I want it.

There's guys like that out there, right? Is there hope..?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The meaning of life?

Why are people so obsessed with the meaning of life? What if there isn't one... But just to live it. I mean, if you're spending time worrying about the meaning of life, you're not exploring it yourself. You might know the meaning of YOUR life some day, simply because you LIVED it.
Why do we find it so hard to believe that sometimes... The answers to life's troubles, are in us Possible ARE us. Yes, I believe there is a God & he will guide us, & does guide us. But that's what he can do. Show you a path. It's up to you how you travel it... If you travel it. God can be there for you, & guide you. But you have to make your own decisions. You have to make your mistakes & learn from them, get back up when you're knocked down.
You have to live. Maybe that's simply the meaning of life.
If it's not enough, maybe you're looking for something, when it's right infront of you. Expectations aren't always what you expect them to be. Sometimes better, sometimes worse.
It's life. You choose to live it. You choose to love it. You make decisions & mistakes, so you can grow. So you can have those amazing experiences in the future. You have to go through the worst time to know the best. Living is a choice. Fate can still contribute. I believe that.

The meaning of life in my eyes? To live.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Opps... I lost my point again.

Okay, so, I'm new to this blogging thing... But I should be alright at it considering I can type alot & talk alot. Coincidence? I'd rather consider this a diary, a story of me, rather that than a blog with people reading & having my followers. Lettuce - Vegetables, are good for typing not only eating - call it.. My open diary. I am a nobody, I hope to be a somebody, I love to write & create art with my words. I am quite the emotion person & always tend to go over the top... First impressions: FAIL! & this is a summery made before the first impression itself... Sorry, If I get confusing... I can sometimes vary my "lingo" - Anyone know what that word even means? I have NO clue! - between times, I might use "slag" & "Shakespeare" in the same sentence.. Oops...
Anyway, I normally go by "LalaBecky26" In everything I do, In all my accounts... Twitter, DeviantART, Mail, AOL... Everything I make in account in. So if I'm famous I'm sure the fakes would bean obvious... Never really understood the mind set of those people...

Like, I said I like to talk & I'm good at it. This blog has gone from an explanation to my train of thought. So here's the point, to read my blogs, is to read my diary.


Dear Diary... Today I live. Tomorrow I dream... The next day I celebrate my day of birth. Life is good. :)